I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s. Leave it Beaver and Ozzie and Harriet days. Girls were told that you go to school, then you will met a nice man who will provide for you and you will live in a nice house with a white picket fence. What a bunch of bull.
I was taught by my father who immigrated from Northern Ireland that I could be anything I wanted to be. Not bad, since this was before the womens movement and that education and ambition was the key. The only problem was I thought I wanted the house with the white picket fence. Must have been from playing with those Barbie Dolls. Of course that was in between beating all the boys at baseball. My dad always wanted a son and since he had two girls, I was singled out to be the tomboy. I went along with my role, but back in the small corner of my mind was that nagging little white picket fence. During junior high and high school, I would she the girls with their frills getting the boys and eventually the white picket fenced house. In my 20’s I realized that the white picket fence house was the great American illusion.
This goal that girls were made to feel that they had to aspire to get to complete themselves as human beings. If you go with this rationale, then their should be tons of happy women living in white picket fenced houses. I know this not to be true. How many young girls grew into women believing this crap. Just as bad as men should be manly and not show their feelings and be the provider no matter what. Imagine how much happier we would all be, if women even in this day and age would not teach their daughters about the house with the white picket fence. What has this house done for us? It has made many women pick the wrong choices in companionship. Made many to go from one relationship immediately into another because somehow this made them less than. It surely doesn’t fit into the white picket fence. Now I am not saying this isn’t well and good for some women. However, how many women have made wrong choices buying into this bull. Look at society today. Women are still look upon as less than if they are a certain age and aren’t married? Why can’t a woman choose not to date or marry until they feel like and some decide it isn’t for them at all.
When my daughter was born in 1982 I was determined she would not suffer that fate. So I instilled in her that she could be who she wanted. She is very artistic and I encouraged her in that endeavor. But ah then the teenage years. Peer pressure can be a powerful pull on a young girl. Not acting like a little prissy girl or dressing in the latest fashions. She dress in her own unique way. She paid for that, however, she stood her ground and dress in her own why. She paid dearly for that also. She has made it through it now that she is 25, but she lost a lot of her confidence along the way. She is gaining back at a rapid pace. She has learned what I knew all along. We spend so much time trying to fit into the house with the white picket fence, that we lose who we are along the way. The good news, we can find our way back, and find out who we truly are. If it’s the white picket fence, so be it, but if its writing your own music, producing cd’s and following the dream of your passion, then you have come full circle.
Parents need to quit telling the story of the house with the white picket fence. That was their dream and not their kids. Parents should support the path their children take, even if it is not what you wanted for them. If you are a Doctor and your kid wants to be a roadie for the Rolling Stones, let them. People are happiest doing what they love, not what they think you would love.
Yes Emily there is no white picket fence. Just your dreams and ambitions.