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Marriage. The word conjures up images, partnerships and emotions; some good, and some not so good. According to the dictionary Marriage is; a) the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family; b) to be united in an intimate or close union; c) the wedding ceremony. Let’s propose that one could join in union one’s body mind and soul. This type of union would bring about wholeness to a person’s totality. In other words this joining of one’s body mind and soul would provide a deeper understanding of one’s issues, strengths and weakness. To be fully healthy is to be in connection with the body, mind, and soul. Listening to each of these three parts of ourselves begins an understanding of the connection of the body, mind and soul which will develop. Each of our lives would be enhanced and lived more fully if we stopped and married ourselves.
Five years ago I embarked on a journey to Alaska and ended up marrying myself. I had wanted to perform a marriage ceremony for myself knowing the importance of uniting all parts of myself. I received this idea from the author known as Sark. As I prepared for my journey to Alaska I thought about my own unifying marriage. Alaska is a place I’ve created in my mind, a place that I would escape to from all my troubles. Also this is the one place I’ve always wanted to go visit since I was at least eight years old. Preparing for this adventure, I thought about what I needed, what I wanted, and what I could afford. Besides I didn’t want to just see Alaska, I wanted to Experience Alaska. That meant a true adventure and expedition.
Being an avid bicyclist I was sent a brochure from Alaskan Bicycle Adventures and this seemed like an easy way for me to experience Alaska. After all I’ve ridden many miles on my bicycle already, and could train for that part of the trip easily. Alaskan Bicycle Adventure offered many types of tours, and way too many good ones to choose from. I looked and studied the brochure, and chose the Hike and Bike tour. For one thing it gave me the most days in Alaska, and the activities were varied. I hadn’t been hiking in over 20 years. (I don’t count the walks I’ve taken around Oklahoma’s lakes and prairies.) I knew that I would have to find some hills to practice hiking, and I also had to break in my hiking boots.
The very next questions for me to make the final decision to go were; “Could I afford this trip financially? Was I deserving of such a trip? Could I allow myself to borrow the money for such a trip? Could I let myself have something that I’ve wanted since I was a child? Could I go it alone?” Those questions were difficult to answer. They needed an answer, and the answer would determine my decision, and I firmly believe the health and welfare of myself. By taking this tour, I wouldn’t be totally alone. That would ease my mind a bit. No, I wouldn’t know anyone there. I don’t like traveling alone, and not sharing the trip with other people that I know and love. I needed this trip, and the good thing about doing a tour is that they would be making all of the decisions of where we would be lodging, and dining. I would be one among many. The answer came clearer to me that I was about to embark on the best thing for me. I deserved the trip to Alaska, and I could borrow the money and take five years to pay it back. Alaska here I come.
I made a conscious decision to be open and outgoing to make this trip enjoyable, and life changing. I tend to be a little shy reserved girl who doesn’t speak up much. I have the ability to be more outgoing than I usually am. To me a marriage was an event, not a process. I have since changed my opinion about marriage. Marriage is a process, and the preparation of this Alaskan adventure was the beginning of my marriage process. I was embarking in a long term relationship with all aspects of myself. I was learning and getting acquainted with my limitations and expectations, my moods, along with my strengths and weaknesses. No matter how easy I felt the tour was going to be, I knew I was going to be put to the test on this adventure. This adventure would require me to become unified, or to put it other words to marry myself.
The tour group, and guides all met in the waiting area of the motel. Rules and tidbits of information were shared among us. Then our luggage was loaded up, and we were off on our adventure. First stop a climb up Flattop Mountain. Flattop was my first truly mountain top experience. I didn’t have any trouble climbing until the summit was in sight. I had two left feet, and my legs were hurting. I hadn’t climbed enough stairs in preparation for mountain climbing. I even had to have one of the guides help me put my feet in the right direction to help me become more balanced. Thus began my first step towards marriage.
What makes this a truly remarkable marriage and adventure is that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Not an easy dis-ease to handle when you want to be active. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to be able to do everything that the brochure has said, or if I am going to ride in the van. When I state that I’m very tired, I am very tired. After that mountain climb my body was worn out, and when we arrived at Whittier, I stayed in the waiting area for our cruise boat to take us to Valdez via the Prince William Sound. The boat ride was best for me, because I found a seat inside the cabin up front, and slept, and watched the world go by. I relaxed. My legs hurt, I was tired, but I was thrilled too. My mood was good, but my body was tired. I began to change on this trip. I was sensing a new self forming, I was becoming outgoing, I would ask for help when I needed it, and I was stepping into becoming whole. I was consciously aware of my energy levels.
The fourth day was the hardest on me. I struggled in every sense of the word. I hadn’t slept well the night before. My body was too tired. Anyway, I woke up to rain, and very cool temperatures. This was a day in which I would need every ounce of energy, and all kinds of mental and emotional strength. We were going to climb up a glacier. Gulkana Glacier is not very steep, but it is icy, and we had to hike on lots of rocks pushed down from the glacier. The rain was steady, but not soaking, more like a steady drizzle. I am on my period, and this day would be my heaviest. I’m thinking that maybe I should stay in the vans. Oh but I don’t want to be alone. I came to experience Alaska. I really didn’t have the right clothing to wear hiking in such a cold, cool, rainy climate. I needed waterproof clothing instead of water resistant clothing. I used what I had, but I needed some gloves for my hands. I asked and was loaned a pair of gloves. Bless Mort’s extra gloves. The hike was long, with a gradual climb up. I struggled with every step. My meditation that morning was joy and ecstasy. I was miserable, cold, wet outside, wet with sweat underneath my clothing and I was wet inside.
Walking on the glacier was easier than walking on the boulders and loose rock. Above us on either mountain peak we could see snow falling. We weren’t that far below the peaks, but all we had was rain, and about 45 degrees. We ate our lunch on the Glacier, and looked around. I plopped on my butt. I couldn’t move much more. I was so tired, and then I was thinking what goes up must come down. How in the world am I going to make it down? In this moment in my life I don’t like rain. I know the value of rain, but I don’t like doing things in the rain. My body is worn out, and I need rest desperately. I need all of me to get down. So, as we descended, I kept talking to myself: “This was hike is joyful. The rain is much needed. The view from the Glacier is wonderful. This was a good investment. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I can do this; I can reach the vans on my own power. I am enjoying this adventure.”
Cold, wet, unnerved with my period, I made it to the vans. I also knew that I was finished for the day. There wasn’t anything else I could do physically. I needed a shower and sleep. As we got in the vans, I stayed right there even when we stopped at the store to buy gas and let everyone have a break. Then the rest of the crew decided to ride their bicycles to the next Inn. Not me. I was heading for trouble, and if I wanted to participate in the rest of the trip I had better take good care of myself this day, and evening. I knew I had pushed myself way past my limitation. I did it, and I’m very happy.
A very important event happened on that glacier. I became whole. I listened to my body mind and soul. I integrated myself, and the marriage of my wholeness took place. It wasn’t a ceremony, and it didn’t have any pomp. My marriage to myself took me pushing myself to my limits, and listening to my critical self, my nurturing self, and my soul. I would be able to start living my life in harmony, to live in the balance of physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of my life.
Pondering on my Gulkana Glacier experience, I performed a ceremony a couple of days later, when I had more time to myself, and when I was less fatigued. I stood looking at Lake Lucille from my balcony in Wasilla, Alaska, and quoted some vows to myself. I Carrie take my masculine, my feminine, my critical self, my self confidence, my inner child, to listen, to learn to take care of for better for worse, for rich or for poor. I will learn to be kind to myself, and heed the parts that speak the loudest for they have something to teach me. I take my dark side, my light side, and I take my sacred self and my irreverent self. All are a part of me as a whole being. I will be whole. I will accept myself as a truly wonderful person made in God’s image. I am blessed beyond measure, and I am very thankful for this adventure. Whether I like it or not I’m very thankful for the hard times upon the Glacier. I am an adult, a child, an adolescent, sacred, spiritual, and much, much more. I am me, and I love me.
A very simple ceremony took place. I became whole, and I acknowledged that wholeness with a ceremony unto myself, and the nature of Lake Lucille. The adventure was not over, but I had a breakthrough. I felt happy, and joyful. Sark was right. Marrying oneself can make a turn for the better. I was willing to make that turn. I became a whole person. I became whole because I listened to all the parts of my self, and I heeded the advice of my body, my mind and my soul. No, it doesn’t have to be a big adventure for a marriage of oneself to work; you can do it today in your own backyard. All that is needed is for you to listen and heed the connection of body, mind and soul.
Carrie Fleharty is a mild-mannered school librarian, who loves moonlighting as a writer. She has written many articles, and is currently fine-tuning her craft. She has taken many workshops and classes on the art of writing, and has a modicum of success. She continues to work very hard in learning her craft. While not writing or playing with books, she’s home with two Boston “Terrors” and recently added two adopted kitties.
Carrie practices a deeply spiritual life, and attempts to incorporate her spirituality among the experiences of being human. She uses her spiritual teachings to impart her hard learned knowledge to others through her writing. Her articles will reflect her hobbies of bicycling, birding, hiking, nature, sports, her spirituality and her joy of living. She is currently working on a book that exposes the aspects of changing her focus from half-empty cup to a full cup.