There are times when the writing is all over the way. You know he/she wants to break up with you, and it’s even crossed your mind that you should dump him/her before she dumps you. But if you really love him/her a break up is still a break up despite who did the breaking up.
Too many people give up on their relationship way too early, only to live with regret. Below is a list of 5 things you can do to stop a break up before it happens and save your relationship.
1. Take charge of the situation
Just trying harder to get along ignoring the conflicts and differences in your relationship will not save your relationship. Be the one to ask for a serious conversation to talk about the relationship and what’s going on.
2. Bring out everything in the open
Do not start by trying to change his/her feelings about you and about the relationship (you only create more resistance). Instead ask him/her to talk about what’s making him/her unhappy. Listen without blaming, negating every grievance he/she brings up or becoming defensive. What you want is to figure out what makes him/her happy so that you know how to make him/her happy.
3. Tell him/her the things you love about him/her
Most of us dwell too much on what’s not working and forget what is working. This is a great opportunity for you to highlight the things you love about him/her and why the relationship is important to you. This has to be done from a place of strength and confidence not desperation and insecurity which only makes you appear less attractive and ripe for dumping.
4. Come up with solutions - together
Ask for his/her input on how you can prevent the same conflicts in the future and/or how you can handle it differently in the future if it does come to surface again. It’s important that you do not play down what you want and need just to save the relationship (you’ll be the one unhappy) but instead find a middle ground where you both feel more secure, comfortable and can both trust each other.
5. Put bring back the spark into your relationship
Boredom, routine and sameness are common features of most relationships that have lost the spark and sizzle. Sadly, many couples accept this as a natural development. If you want to save your relationship start doing the things you did that won him/her over in the first place – and more. Start dating and courting him/her again, unexpectedly surprise him/her with little things, chase each other around the house, tickle him/her until he/she screams with delight, take moonlight walks in park, get it on in the car etc. Anything that brings that spark back, the more spontaneous the better.
6. Give him/her space
This is a tough one but if he/she says he/she wants “space”, do not try and make things worse by insisting thereby pushing him/her to dump you faster. When a person says he/she wants their “space” , it’s usually because they somehow feel “pressured” either by their own personal issues or issues to do with the relationship. Giving him/her his/her “space’ takes that pressure off and time alone will help him/her figure out just how important saving the relationship is.
7. Stay positive no matter what’s going on
It’s so easy to get bitter, angry and stop believing in lasting love. These same attitudes are what stops love from coming to you. If the person sees you keeping positive, he/she realizes that they may be leaving behind one of the best things that ever happened to them. I strongly believe (and with proof) that if you love him/her let him/her go and if he/she loves you, he/she’ll be back - and if he/she comes back, then it was meant to be.
Knowing that you did your best regardless of what the ending results are may not make the break –up less painful but it will help you move into a new relationship with a more positive attitude and better relationship skills. You will feel better prepared for a lasting relationship – next time round.
If you are not sure about signs he/she wants to break up with you or are struggling (or going crazy) about a relationship that drifted apart for no apparent reason, the articles section of my website has some very useful insights including information for those considering giving an ex a second chance or are convinced that a current lover is still stuck on an ex (some tell-tale signs that he/she is really over an ex).
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned
Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of
Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and
Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com