With the divorce rate near 50% , you’d think people wouldn’t hightail it up to the altar without checking out a potential spouse thoroughly first.
Take Michele (not her real name), who is engaged to Robert (also not his real name). Robert’s friends have warned Michele that he has a “dark side” and to tread carefully.
When he phones, the number on his caller ID comes up with another woman’s name (which may be perfectly innocent, but why not make sure?) He claims to be one age but looks at least 15 years older.
On top of this, Robert has told Michele she should lose weight. The man is also reluctant to part with a buck. Once, as she drove him to a doctor’s appointment in her own car with gas she paid for,
he requested she stop at Dunkin Donuts. When he asked him to bring her a cup of coffee, he actually had the nerve to ask her for money.
Despite the questions about Robert’s character, Michele wants to marry him. Why? Because she says she’s not “getting any younger,” and she wants to have a baby. It’s a dream of hers.
Her father and friends are not happy about her engagement, and they’ve been vocal about it. They fear for her; they’re certain Robert will never make her–or anybody besides himself–happy.
But Michele has ignored their protests.
Too many women marry the wrong men (when they’d be much happier by themselves) because they want their “big day,”or they (falsely) believe their lives will not be complete unless they produce children.
Michele had the good fortune to get a warning from her fiance’s friend, but she ignored it. Others aren’t as fortunate to get a friendly tip-off and must look for–and be willing–to see the signs themselves.
One woman who didn’t see the signs is now the mother of two small children. When she met her husband at church, she was thrilled to be dating a “like-minded” Christian. After their wedding, she learned the hard way that he is actually a lazy, belittling, alcoholic (and caught him driving while under the considerable influence with their son in the car).
She’s currently in the process of getting a divorce.
How do you know for sure that you’re getting involved with a man who’ll make you happy? First off, be willing to see the signs. Don’t be paranoid (it’s unnecessary, and it’s such a turn-off) but do be clear-eyed. Don’t lie to yourself: Are you dating a guy because you like him, or have you talked yourself into putting up with him because you want to get married?
Marriage can be the best thing you ever do, but only if you marry the right guy for the right reasons. Don’t get caught up some fantasy and bind yourself for life to a jerk you should have rejected.
Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com . For information about a cruise for singles in August 2007, go to http://www.royalservicecruises.com/specials .