Knowing the right questions to ask can make all the difference between a relationship that crashes and one that becomes more blissful every day. Recently, a client asked if she and her fiancé were moving too fast. They were both in their 40’s and had been dating for 4 months when they became engaged. They had both been in relationship coaching and had determined their own personal life visions, but this client was concerned about being sure of their compatibility.

I, too, am concerned. One really common relationship trap is the mini-marriage. In the mini-marriage, a couple rushes into a relationship, and in this case, into an engagement. The problem with this, aside from the pressure that the engagement ring puts on a couple to stay together even if one or both see red flags, is that 4 months is just not long enough to know if the potential partner really meets their bottom-line, must-have requirements. Generally, it’s best to see your intended through all the seasons—a full year—before marriage.

But time is not the only issue for couples considering marriage. It’s entirely possible for a couple to date—or even live together—for an extended period of time and then get married to a virtual stranger. Usually the couple thinks they know each other well, but the first few months of marriage bring huge, often unpleasant, surprises.

The truth is that, often, unless a topic happens to come up, most couples never discuss it. And sometimes, even when it does arise, they ignore it. Many people date and mate so unconsciously that they ignore the huge red flags that wave and flap in their faces. If the couples think about issues at all, they just assume that their partner agrees with them. They endow their partners with certain attitudes and attributes that the partner may not possess at all. Then one day, they wake in the morning and wonder who this stranger sharing the pillow is.

So what’s the solution to the Virtual Stranger Marriage Trap? Being conscious. Dating consciously. Mating consciously. Asking questions. Giving and getting answers. Discussion. Know your own life vision and the bottom-line requirements in a partner that will make that vision possible. Talk about everything that is on your list of must-have requirements.

For example, if part of your life vision is to live a life of great adventure, and you will never feel fulfilled unless you have scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro with your partner, but your partner’s life vision is living next door to family in a cozy little cottage and never doing anything more strenuous on vacation than calling for room service, you have a mismatch. Perhaps it is possible to negotiate around that, but what if you must have children—preferably 4 or 5—but your partner can’t stand children? He or she wants to live a life of freedom? How do you negotiate that? It’s not possible to have children this week, but not have them next week. And children certainly do cut into your freedom!

Now it’s easy enough to think about discussing children with a potential partner (although you’d be surprised how many people manage to get married without settling this first!), but there are so many other potential issues worth discussing that are not so easy to think of. For 1000 great questions to ask your potential partner that will help you avoid the Virtual Stranger Marriage Trap, you are invited to visit http://1000QuestionsOnline.com