I’ve witnessed many good and bad marriages, including my own, to 2 different ladies. I am a student of human nature and I would be willing to bet that I can predict whether or not you marriage will last. It hinges on two elements; communication and flexibility. Toss everything else out the window. It doesn’t matter whether you have the best sex on the planet, the most money since creation, or are the smartest couple in Mensa. Without these two factors your marriage is destined for failure. Why, you many ask?

Well, your sex life, riches, and brains are not enough to get you past the other issues. Let me give you just one example. Say you are Felix and Oscar, the odd couple of Neil Simon fame. In other words, one is a neat-nick and the other a total slob. Eventually, if neither is willing to change, the constant irritation upon one another will result in a major war. And that could lead to divorce. Flexibility is at the heart of the problem, or, more precisely, the lack of flexibility.

The next instance is even more common. The ability to laugh at oneself and each other. We will all make mistakes and that’s inevitable. It’s how we react that determines our fate. Suppose one person forgets to fill the car’s gas tank and you’ve run out of fuel in the middle of a crowded highway. If this turns into a huge, “he should have, she should have” screaming match, then where is the cooperation and the sharing mode? Conversely, if you make light of the situation while both work together to find a solution (like calling the brother on the cell phone and having him bring over a gallon of gas) then we’ve got a real cooperative relationship. This behavior under stress is the key to a successful marriage. Stuff will happen. Can we just laugh it off and move forward, or will we continue to bring this bad experience up at every opportunity, just to piss off the spouse?

Keeping the marriage fun, light, humorous, and spontaneous is one of several critical issues. But it’s amazing essential, because it keeps us on course and heading in the right direction. If we can laugh and love, that’s a powerful combination. Add in the flexibility to adapt to a changing and challenging world and voila! You have an Ozzie and Harriet marriage, without the separate bedrooms. However, if a couple that is newly engaged fails to have either of these traits, then they might want to rethink things before going to the alter. Because this marriage-to-be will be doomed from the start.

Remember that the marriage license and wedding rings change no one and no thing. It simply legalizes the cohabitation. Therefore it won’t make things any better with the passage of time. So do I have a point? Certainly, and here it is as a final word of advice. If you are dating and looking for mister or misses right, see if they can make you laugh. Then watch as they cope with stress and duress. This is a sure indicator to what they would be like as a lifelong partner. It’s a heck of a lot easier to move past them at this stage than after it’s official and binding.

And trust me, you don’t want to wake up one morning, look over at your spouse in bed, and begin thinking of the “d” word. And, no, “d” doesn’t mean darling.

Jeffrey Hauser was a sales consultant for the Bell System Yellow Pages for nearly 25 years.
He graduated from Pratt Institute with a BFA in Advertising and has a Master’s Degree in teaching. He had his own advertising agency in Scottsdale, Arizona and ran a consulting and design firm, ABC Advertising. He has authored 6 books and a novel, “Pursuit of the
Phoenix.” His latest book is, “Inside the Yellow Pages” which can be seen at his website, http://www.poweradbook.com Currently, he is the Marketing Director for http://www.thenurseschoice.com a Health Information and Doctor Referral site.