Teenagers and youths are gold mines of a Nation, more they are pulverize better they shine” My dear Ezine readers, I am sad to discuss that while I was preparing for this article, I heard a bad news of a teenager ending his life due to teacher’s apathy in the school. Anyhow though world would not come to standstill with one more suicide but certainly hell have broken loose on poor parent? After going through many clipping and television news, I concluded that both parent and teachers were to be blamed for increased communication between the boy and them. Had anyone made little extra efforts in interacting with the teenagers, he would have been alive?
Today once again, I am with you to debate as to how should teenagers cop up with stress engendered by ambitious parents? I have categorized parents in four categories with respect to their ambitions; and as to what they want to make their teenager wards:
· One; Customary Parents (CP). Customary Parents are those parents who are
have low to middle income but enough landed property to sustain entire family with out stress of earning livelihood. Such parent’s normally rely more on destiny and believe in philosophy of Karma (deeds) that work is worship and Do Your Best (DYB) & Leave Result to God (LRG). While interacting with a group of parents during Parent-Teacher meet, I have observed that over 75% parents exhibited normal ambition. They believed that their teenagers should work hard and Leave Result to God. Such parent’s children perform exceedingly well and they generally form over 75% youth force cadre of any country government, forces and officials. Only one case of suicide has been noted so far of such parents. These parents, 1) believe their child should do his best with out compromising and risking his health; 2) remain in constant touch with their wards both at home and school; 3) guide their wards regularly to face the challenges and hardship of studies; 4) keep strict financial check on their wards; 5) ensure their wards are not following any bad company. Such parents are generally in the Would frame of mind. They believe that if their wards have achieved what they want, it is blessings; otherwise whatsoever wards do, they would be accepted. CP is traditionally and socially very rigid and expects same from wards to follow in family hierarchy. CP, thus, produces no stress on their wards but they are very sensitive to their customs and traditions. Barely .5% teenagers who committed suicide are from CP group of people.
· Two; Anomalous Parents (AP). Anomalous parents (AP) are those who live
between middle to high income group. Such parents often remain busy to meet their livelihood. It is seen that both mother and father are working in very odd hours. They normally find difficult to spare enough time to be with their wards but still make an attempt to meet them during week ends and holidays/leave days. The take proper care of their wards but exhibit common ambition and goal. They expect their wards to follow a particular way of life and should achieve the same. They are uncertain and impromptus in their approach. Their behavior is unpredictive and short temper. They sudden release their anger and began to scold their wards very badly on minor faults. Such teenagers become very sensitive and often found to be committing suicide. Teenagers remain under low to highest levels of stresses. Whenever, teenagers face highest level of stress they often commit suicide. AP believe in Could frame of mind of acceptance. They always think why their ward could not achieve and thus increase the stress level by often scolding and over monitoring. 3% teenagers from this group take away their lives. Every third teenagers out of ten who committed suicide is ward of AP.
· Three; Highly Ambitious Parent (HAP). Highly Ambitious Parents (HAP) are
those who have worked overnight to achieve some place in the society through dedicated hard work and sincere efforts. They do not believe in destiny and follow the misnomer by thinking that they are the destiny makers or they are self made people. They often boast about their achievements and try to show their position and status. While living an articulated life, such parents often expect and demand similar efforts in studies and other spheres of life from their wards. My study has revealed that over 91% teenagers of such parents are always under mild to middle levels of stresses during normal way of living. However, HAP teenagers suffer from moderate to high levels of stresses before, during and after examinations of 10th and 12th standards. HAP has Should Frame of mind. Under no circumstances such parents allow their wards to rest and they try to ensure that their wards should achieve whatsoever HAP selected for them. They crush teenagers between their teenagers capabilities and their unfulfilled ambition thus forcing them to commit suicide due fear of failure to live up to their parents expectations. The rate of suicide of HAP teenagers is nearly 4%. Readers have to analyze that out of every ten suicide, over four teenagers belong to such HAP.
· Four; Over Ambitious Parent (OAP). Over Ambitious Parents are often found
to be over committed themselves. They are having high to super high level of income but still believe themselves the destiny makers. They impose very severe to highly severe degree of demands from their teenagers. To fulfill their ambitions, they arrange tuition, extra coaching and what not to ensure that their wards are buried under the stress of study. Infact by arranging numerous subjects’ tuition, they really ruin their wards health through unplanned study schedule. I have observed that most of the wards of such parents are either using spectacles or they too thin or pumpkin size due to lack of regular exercises and physical inactivity. Such parents do no give any calm hearing to their teenagers. First OAP does not find time to be with their wards and whatsoever time they find, they want to spent coaching or giving away their mind as to what they expect from them? Such OAP teenagers are either totally without stress or under high stress condition. OAP are always under Must frame of mind. They believe that their wards have no option to become what OAP has thought for them to be. Their teenagers have to become whatsoever OAP want. Doctors, engineers, lawyers and various other professionals fall under this category. Nearly 2.5% teenagers committed suicides are from OAP group of families. What I mean to say that between two to three teenagers committed suicide are from OAP families. After analyzing various types of parents, I would now debate about various levels of stresses which such parents advertently or inadvertently generate on their wards.
· Low Level Stress (LLS). The low level of stress is defined as the disturbed
state of mind of teenagers due to sudden change in demands from parents or environment to be fulfilled for which he is either less prepared or unprepared. Generally teenagers of CP and some what AP of low ambition parents fall under such level of stress. Despite of low levels, CP rebuke and scold teenagers once in life with such an authority that over .5% teenagers still fail to face the challenges and take away their lives. Generally teenager live very normal life but they still feel afraid of sudden burst of anger of parents. Such teenagers live both careful and carefree life. Such teenagers are unpredictable and generally remain happy social and amicable. They are impromptu while committing suicide. Parents have to be cautious while scolding for examination results.
· Moderate Level Stress (MLS). The Moderate Level Stress (MLS) is defined as
the stable and unsteady state of mind of teenagers with respect to their parents’ ambitions during their teens. Teenagers of AP generally fall under this category. Teenagers of AP are always under constant stress of performing well in studies. They exhibit the sign of stress during their studies through facial expression. They always remain under worries of performing well and live up to their parents’ ambitions. Such teenagers though generally remain under LLS but exhibit MLS before and during examinations. Such teenagers traits are to leave food, feel less hungry, show repeated sign of not remembering their subject, often feeling stressed of looking blank and frequently calling to discuss their best friend for advice or to know some problems solutions. When parents find above noted traits please think that your teenager is suffering from MLS. I suggested to
o Immediately interact with your teenager;
o Find out his real cause of worry
o Make your teenagers believe that your ambition is his challenge to fulfill and not the order to suffer stress;
o Counsel your teenager daily as to how to attempt answers;
o Ensure to share some lighter moments of life during study hours;
o Mother to ensure personal touch while offering food and giving milk during late night studies of your teenagers;
o If need be one of the parent should take leave and be with wards during examinations.
· High Level Stress (HLS). High Level Stress is defined as the permanent
disturbed state of mind of a teenager due to which he generally exhibits changed behavior amongst his colleagues and fearsome traits from parents. The symptoms of fear, worry and anxiety are always present in such teenagers conduct and behavior. They reflect very timid nature and rarely mix up with general colleagues. The teenagers of HAP suffer from what I call is Frequent Appearing Worrisome Syndrome (FAWS). Such teenagers become very sensitive and timid. When ever sign of frequent collapsing, too much submissiveness, always worries about studies, take less interests in physical activities and do not mix up with colleagues think your teenagers is suffering from HLS. Moreover such teenagers generally breakdown as and when they are unable to find solution to a problem. They loss appetite, show lack of crave for food; always show total concern for study and fear of not performing well. I suggest that if you note above traits take following actions;
o Interact regularly on daily basis with your ward;
o Make sure your teenager does not misunderstands your ambition with his goals;
o Ensure your teenagers does not fear you if he does not perform as per your expectations;
o Most important assist your teenagers in warding of his apprehensions and fears about your ambitions;
o Finally dedicate your leave and full time to your teenager during examinations;
o Never remind your teenagers as to how much you spent on tuitions and extra coaching during or after examinations. It is possible that your financial information might force him to commit suicide when your teenager could not come up to your expectations.
o Strictly adhere to reward and punishment policy rigidly so that your teenager does not feel afraid of severe punishments than rewards.
· Absolute Level Stress (ALS). Absolute Level Stress (ALS) is defined as the state of
mind of a teenager when he always exhibits signs of agony, apprehension, panic, fretfulness,
fear and nervousness through the time for performing well in studies. Such teenagers always speak about their studies and try to become bookish worm during studies. Their parents either want such teenagers to join their line of profession or follow a line which they could not achieve in life. OAP generally breakdown their teenagers before and during examinations. Over 75% teenagers of OAP often suffer from ill health and under nourishment. Such teenagers reflect irritating and repulsive behaviors. They do not want to be disturbed and remain isolated. They often neglect food and try to eat minimum just to survive during examinations. If such symptoms are seen, rest assures your teenager is suffering from ALS. As it is such teenagers suffer from ALS through out the year, I suggest the following preventive measures both by parents and teachers;
o First of all define your ambition to teenagers as his challenge and not the commitment to achieve;
o Interact daily before and during examinations;
o Try to share lighter moment with your teen during off hours;
o Ensure your teenager share one meal with the family during day;
o Always remind your teenagers that his achievements are desired but not at the cost of his health or life;
o Never give money to teenagers to go and have fun rather take him on picnic with family to refresh his mind from studies once a week;
o Asses and know your teenager’s capabilities first and then disclose your ambitions;
Once parents have understood the capabilities of their teenagers, I am very sure
that they would restrict their ambition to what their teenager could achieve, thus, falling in the categories of CP. I also urge that:
· One; parents should not impose their own dreams on their teenagers;
· Two; should facilitate their teenagers to become good human beings rather materialistic toy machine of work;
· Three; share lighter veins moments with your teenagers once a week;
· Four; never let your teenagers feel afraid of you; and
· Five; make sure your teenagers takes your ambitions as your challenge and forced ambitions.
I hope if my Ezine readers are able to spread my message we would be able to
distinguish between parents having Could, Would, Should and Must ambition approaches and take suitable preventive measures to save their teenagers from Scourge of Teenagers Suicide (STS).
I will cover a few other educational stresses on teenagers in my next article. Readers’ views are solicited at som_kalpna@yahoo.com somu1957@hotmail.com
I, S Kalpna Sharma, am a freelance journalist who frequently write on various issues relating human values. My impetus of debate has been always focused on current issues which affect human beings life and social behavior. As always try to bring out debates on human values, my readers support base become large.