Years ago, when my daughters were teens, I knew teen lingo. I knew many slang words and used them. When the girls listened to their favorite songs I sang along. Fast forward a few decades and I have a new role. I\’m a GRG, grandparent raising grandkids, and learning to “talk teen” again.

My grandkids are fraternal twins and they have lived with us for three months. At age 16 they not only have their own slang, they carry around mental dictionaries of computer terms in their heads. Groan. I have many new words to learn and communication skills to acquire.

Don Schmitz, Director of The Grandkidsandme Foundation, writes about communication in the February 2008 issue of its newsletter, “Gathering.” In his article, “Communication is a \’Must\’ for Strong Families,” Schmitz says today\’s families are trying to do more in less time, with little down time. Good communication is necessary in a setting like this.

What are the keys to good communication? According to Schmitz, they are spending time together as a family, the belief that each family member has value, and making time for communication. “Strong Communication just doesn\’t happen; it takes hard work and sacrifice,” he writes.

Communicating with my grandkids is a challenge because they are grieving for both parents. My husband and I are grieving, too, and that\’s a strong reason for improving communication. We come from story-telling families and often use stories to illustrate talking points. But the twins don\’t want to hear stories, they want us to “cut to the chase.” Thanks to my teaching background I\’m usually able to do this.

Still, I had to sharpen my communication skills, and turned to “Grandparenting With Love and Logic,” by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, MD. Many of the authors\’ communication tips are helpful, especially “playing broken record.” To do this, the parent (or grandparent) repeats a statement or request kindly without raising his or her voice “until the child agrees verbally with the request.” As I re-discovered, the teenage brain needs berbal and written reminders. Communication is better when I use a calm voice.

Offering genuine sorrow and empathy was another helpful point. According to the authors, this kind of communication “drives the pain of the consequence into the heart, where it can be converted into wisdom.” Minnesota has been brutally cold these last few weeks, with 15-20 degrees below zero temps and wind chills of 30-45 degrees below. I told the kids to dress for the weather and they ignored me. One short walk in freezing cold got their attention. Now they wear ski jackets and gloves.

But the most important thing I have learned about “talking teen” is to include love in the conversation. When the kids leave for school I call, “Love you!” They don\’t reply, but hear the message. They also know my husband and I have been married for 50 years and that we love and respect each other. I\’m learning to “talk teen” again. My grandkids are learning that love is spoken here.

Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson

http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been a freelance nonfiction writer for 29 years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com . A five-star review of the book is posted on Amazon. You will find other reviews on the American Hospice Foundation Web site and the Health Ministries Association Web site.

Please visit Harriet Hodgson\’s Web site and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.

He loves me, he loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not. Wouldn\’t it be nice if you could know for sure? Well, while there\’s not one single way to tell if you hold his or her interest, or better yet his or her heart, there are many subtle and not so subtle clues offered through a person\’s body language that speak much louder than words.

So, what should you look for in regard to a person\’s body language to let you know that love has arrived? If you want to play “love detective,” here are your first clues:

Eye Contact

It\’s true that when it comes to love the “eyes have it.” In a face-to-face encounter, the first indicator of mutual attraction is eye contact. In fact, communication experts agree that if eye contact exceeds 70% during an interaction, the two people talking are probably more interested in each other than in the actual conversation. Similarly, if a person is not interested, a decrease in eye contact will be seen.

Pupils Will Dilate

When looking at an object of interest, our pupils will dilate or become larger. This makes it easier to see the desired object.

Postural Mirroring

Two people who are interested in each other and are getting along, will perform a phenomena called postural mirroring, or postural echoing. Just as it sounds, postural mirroring occurs when a couple assumes the same body position of their beloved. For instance, if one person sits with their legs crossed and their hand to their chin, the other person will also sit with their legs crossed and their hand to their chin. Or, when one person lifts their glass to take a drink, almost as on cue, the other person will do the same.

Gestural Mirroring

Akin to postural echo is gestural echo. Again, when two people are interested in each other, they will often echo each other\’s gestures. For instance, if one individual uses the “thumbs up” gesture sometime during the evening, it is common for this gesture to be repeated by the other person sometime later in the evening.

Vocal Mirroring

Not only do people who are romantically interested in each other echo each other\’s posture and gestures, but they will also frequently echo each other\’s voice. For instance, if at the beginning of a conversation one individual is speaking slow and the other is speaking fast, by the end of the conversation it is common for the couple to both have altered their rate of speech to a comfortable medium. Additionally, if one person speaks in a soft voice, the other will typically speak in a soft voice as well.

Pet Names

A good indicator that a romance is intensifying occurs when a couple begins to call each other by pet names. Common pet names include: “honey,” “darling,” “sweetie,” “sugar,” “baby” and yes, even “sweet thang.”

Baby Talk

As attraction for each other grows, a couple will often engage in baby talk. Much like one would talk to an infant, baby talk is done with a syrupy sweet voice. “How\’s my little darlin\’ doin\’ today. “Did you miss me?” or “What\’s my sweet baby doing?”

Touch

How much touch and who initiates touch in a relationship are very important clues as to how the relationship is doing. By reaching out and touching another person we indicate our interest in them. When people are getting along, they spend a lot of time touching each other. Whether sitting next to each other, holding hands, or locked in a warm embrace, you will often find lovers just can\’t keep their hands off one another.

Feet

One of the clearest indicators of whether or not someone is interested in you is to look at their feet. If a person\’s feet are pointed in your direction, you can be assured that you are where their interest lies.

Susanne Gaddis, PhD, known as the Communications Doctor, is an acknowledged communications expert who has been speaking and teaching the art of effective and positive communication through workshops, seminars, and keynote presentations across the United States since 1989. Past clients include: NASA, Oracle, Schlumberger, and the American Nurses Association. For free articles written by Dr. Gaddis, or to purchase her book Communication Booster Shots: Prescriptions for Effective Communication, visit http://www.CommunicationDoctor.com or call 919-933-3237.

Tip 1: You aren’t a computer! (Stop Multitasking)

• When you are having a conversation, don’t do something else at the same time.
• Take care to minimize distracters (TV, computer, cell phone, etc.) in the environment.
• If you find your attention drifting, consciously bring it back to the conversation.
• Make a mental note of key points that you hear during the conversation.
• Listen, don’t just ‘wait to talk’.

Tip 2: Set the stage (Tell your audience what’s coming)

• What’s the subject you wish to discuss?
• What’s the timeframe for the conversation (schedule and length)?
• What’s required of the listener?
• If it’s a negative message, prepare the listener (”This is difficult for me to say, and may be difficult for you to hear…”)

Tip 3: Think before you speak - and while you are speaking (Be more conscious to be more effective)

• What’s the message you are hoping to get across?
• Determine associated information that’s needed to support your message.
• Consider anticipated response of the listener, including possible concerns or objections.
• Word choice, tone and body language shape your message.
• Being more conscious helps you to be a better listener, too.

Tip 4: I can see clearly now … (Clarification is critical for effective communication)

As a speaker:

• ‘Check in’ with your listener to make sure that your message is being conveyed as intended.
• Don’t make assumptions of your listener’s knowledge of or interest in the subject.
• Allow for and respond to questions.
• Use analogies or common examples to help facilitate understanding.

As a listener:

• Use ‘active listening’ (”What I hear you saying is …)
• Ask clarifying questions (”Do you mean…”)
• Reflect observed body language and tone to confirm impressions.

Tip 5: Take the high road (Break the cycle of negative interaction patterns)

• Responding to an attack with an attack contributes to a downward spiral of negative interactions.
• Take a couple of deep breaths or count to ten before responding.
• Look for common ground to get back on track.
• Watch for emotional ‘flooding’ and take a time-out if needed.
• If what you are doing isn’t working, do something different.

Steve McCready is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with a private practice in Roseville, California.

He can be reached at steve@rosevillemft.com

Online dating had a big boom in the last few years. Ukraine also opened its soul and little by little dating sites are populated with people from the ex-Soviet republic.

If you have surfed the net in search for a new date and soul mate, probably you have already seen many profiles of ladies from Ukraine. Do not think that these are fake ads or that the people behind the profiles do not exist and are part of a scam conspiracy. The truth is that with the opening of the markets, the people are opining their minds too and they start looking for more interesting companions for chat and eventually dating.

Many Ukrainian people have emigrated to western countries in the first years of democracy. They have been abroad for a season on a work and travel program or have studied in western universities and the dating and chat sites are helping them keep in touch with the western culture. There are also girls who are online not in search of dates and love, but just to practice their foreign language. All are interesting and truly unique companions and are worth your attention.

Alternatively there are hundreds of personals sites and your search for dating or friendship will give many results. The domain showing that a certain website is from Ukraine ends with .ua or .com.ua. Most of the local websites have English version too. Sign-up is easy; usually most of the people find it hard only to fill in the sections for additional details.

The big question is usually how to tell who you are and what language you are supposed to use. Our advice is to use English, though if you know a few words in Ukrainian or eventually Russian, you will have more results from your attempts to start a chat with a local girl.

In your resume and interests try to be as open and frank as possible. Do not use offensive words, do not speak about your sexual interests or your previous relationships. These topics are considered too private in all Ukraine personals and even if the website administrators do not ban you, the people who see your profile surely will ignore you.

Do not lie about things related to age, birthday or outlook. It is sad how many men believe that if they take off a few kilos or years from their profile details, they will become immediately more attractive chat partners. Today modern technologies allow not only picture exchange but also video in real time and if you lie, this will be seen.

The more you share, the better will be the result. The game of personals is actually like a domino game where one fallen block can ruin the whole line. Be yourself. Ukrainians are very sensitive towards stupid jokes and false stories. Some of them are using these personals sites because they are really looking for true love. Others are there just to practice their language or to find friends but nothing more. If you are clear what actually you want, you will not waste your time aimlessly.

Don’t get scammed. Check out our reviews of all of the top ukrainian dating agencies at Ukraine Dating Review. Looking for a ukraine bride or ukraine dating? Visit us now. You will be spoilt for choice.

Communication is the catalyst in relationships. Be it family relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships, not only is communication the engine of all human transactions, it is also the lubricant that enables people to connect, and remain connected, with each other.

If you’ve noticed, the breakdown of a marriage starts when a spouse no longer tells the other what is happening to him or her, what his or her thoughts are, and whether there are some issues that need to be resolved. Typically, a divorce starts with one or both spouses clamming up. Once communication is shut down, the process of marital disintegration is set in motion.

The root of an affair is exactly that: communication breakdown. I am a firm believer that quite a number of couples who divorce still love each other. The only problem is that the communication between them has broken down to the point that either one is apprehensive of rejection, or pride makes them want to keep giving each other the cold shoulder. Because of this emotional climate in the marriage, either one of the couple may seek a friendship or a “shoulder to cry on”. And this is the usual storyline of most affairs. Dissatisfaction in the relationship leads one party to go out and seek escape, solace, or even merely a listening ear in someone else. Which could eventually lead to a dangerous liaison simply because the hurting party was too vulnerable at that time. This emotional vulnerability is the one thing that will make an otherwise committed spouse risk his or her marriage in favor of temporary thrills.

So how exactly do we avoid communication breakdowns in our marriages? Relationships need work and commitment, and it’s a daily “dying to self”. By this I mean that we have to make sacrifices to keep the marriage working.

But if you love your spouse, making things work will not be too difficult. You only have to nurture the relationship and each other, and make sure that you connect on a daily basis.

Below are a few suggestions on how to connect:

• Talk often.

• Do things together as often as you can. You can take walks together to get in exercise, or you can do chores together.

• Practice being comfortable in silence. Silences could become the most intimate parts of your relationship. This is when you could just savor the presence of each other without feeling the pressure to communicate verbally. Touch is the most healing of all human (nonverbal) communications, and it would really nurture your relationship if you touch often.

Aside from these practices that will nourish your relationship, make sure that you deal with your problems and issues as they arise. Nothing kills a relationship faster than wounds that have been allowed to fester. Never let offenses accumulate and turn into anger and resentment.

And lastly, enjoy each other. If you need help to enjoy each other again, then seek it. Counseling and marital therapists abound and they really help in teaching you tools how to handle relationships. And don’t forget reading up on self-help, like these resources from us. Knowledge could go a long way in cheat-proofing your marriage.

Read more on: “Cheat-Proof Your Marriage Without Hiring A Detective“

Good luck!

=> Visit our self help tips &
advice blog to learn more about personal growth, personal development, self improvement,
health, lose weight, positive thinking topics and FREE downladable ebooks.

Poor communication is the most common complaint (as stated by 68 per cent of couples seeking counselling). Apparently, the average couple talk for only five minutes per day! Yet communication is the most important aspect of a relationship. Once we stop communicating, stop being affectionate and stop making love, we no longer have a relationship. There are many partnerships which lack those three essential ingredients and are still limping along to infinity, with two very unhappy individuals. Communication is not just verbal. It includes every message – feeling, desire and thought – we convey to the other person by way of eye contact, emotion or body language. The secret of communicating effectively is knowing how to avoid the unhappy, harmful interactions.

Poor communicators tend to compete with one another in discussions, to blame each other constantly to boost their egos and to find scapegoats. Everything is a competition for them and they are more interested in being right than having a successful relationship. They perceive themselves to be all-knowing, never giving an inch to anyone, while consistently demanding their own right of way. They are not focused on the relationship they share, only on the arguments, tending to be secretive, self righteous and in denial, so conditions are always tense as they compete for control. It is mainly about who ‘wins’ and who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, without any acknowledgement of the other’s feelings or fears. In their eyes, there is only ever one way of doing or seeing things – their way. No one, or any other method, is ever valid or accepted.

Characteristics of poor communicators are the following:

* Criticism: They usually have a steady flow of criticism, put-downs or blame for their partner. But the trouble with blame is that it keeps us focused on our partners to prevent us seeing, or accepting, our own faults.

* Defensiveness: Neither partner feels cared for or listened to. They are both too busy defending themselves in the abusive onslought and fighting to get their points in.

* Denial of Discussion: They respond to criticism with defensiveness, often denying everything – even discussion, making excuses and accusing their partner of being ‘emotional’, ’stupid’, ’silly’ or ‘mad’.

* Gift of Sanity: Poor communicators are usually the ones who claim to be ’sane’ and ‘reasonable’ and ‘caring’. They always feel put-upon and the victim.

* Biased Perception: Individual perception is usually biased, distorted or contradictory. There is also likely to be lots of exaggeration and anger instead of compromise.

* Straying from the Isssue: They tend to stray from the main issue and find no solutions, throwing all kinds of complaints and insults at their partner, but without aiming for anything constructive.

* Mind Reading: They tend to ‘mind read’ and/or ‘psychoanalyse’ their partner excessively, as well as name-call and show contempt by mocking, rolling their eyes, being insulting, counter-attacking and interrupting constantly.

* Holding Out: There is a determination by poor communicators not to ‘give in’, only to show they are right, with lots of anger, and, eventually, deadly silence.

* Stonewalling: When the attacks get too much, or when they hear something they do not like, there is likely to be no response. Instead poor communicators withdraw from the situation in a self-righteous way(stonewalling), preventing any kind of discussion or resolution.

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - http://www.myspace.com/elaineone and http://www.elainesihera.co.uk) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a consultant for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!”

Communication problems in relationships are a primary cause of failed marriages, broken hearts and ruined dreams. To guarantee that your relationship doesn’t crash and burn as a result of these problems, you need to develop good communication skills in relationships. This is the first step on the pathway to create blissful relationships. Good communication in romantic relationships is based on 3 core skills or communication habits which are:

1. Clarity
Think you’ve explained yourself clearly? Think again. Double check. Make sure that your significant other really does understand what you want. Try recording conversations that you have with your lover or with friends and then transcribe the recording. When you see what’s written down, you’ll understand why we have such communication problems in relationships. We are so lazy with our thinking and explanations. We leave sentences half-finished and we expect our partners to finish the sentence for us. Often they do. But don’t be surprised if sometimes they end it differently than you would have done. You say, ‘Honey, would you take the trash out…?’ (meaning tonight before the garbage truck comes). He thinks, ‘Yeah, I’ll take the trash out tomorrow sometime.’ Unless you are married to a super psychic, don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Get clarity in your thinking and words. And of course, it works both ways. Make sure to check that you are clearly understanding what your partner is communicating and asking for.

2. Specificity
Success gurus affirm what the army has known for a long time, that minds thrive on clear specific orders. It’s no different in relationships. If you have specific needs, you need to communicate those specific needs to your partner. It’s no good you saying, ‘I want you to take me somewhere nice this weekend,’ and then complaining when he leads you into Dunkin’ Donuts. It will help big time if you can say instead, ‘I really want to get away this weekend just the two of us so we can reconnect in an intimate way. Let’s go up to Lake Whatever on Friday night, and book into that sweet little motel, The Love Inn, on Highway 95. We’ll take a bottle of champagne, order pizza, and give each other exotic massages by candle light.’ The clearer and more specific you are in expressing your thoughts, feelings and desires, the less room there is for any communication problems in relationships.

3. Honesty
Honesty is not a blunt instrument that you use to beat your partner over the head with. Honesty in relationship communication involves first being honest with yourself. This requires self-knowledge … and self-knowledge comes from non-judgemental observation of the way you think and act. By watching your mind, your emotions, like a passive witness sat in the back of a movie theatre watching the movie of your daily life, you will develop greater perspective. From this greater perspective you can be truly honest with yourself. From this greater self-understanding, you will understand others better too. And you will be able to communicate honestly and kindly. Honesty need always to be tempered by kindness and love for relationships to thrive. There are ways of being honest without causing pain to others. This kind of honesty will end many of the communication problems in relationships.

Want a ‘fairy tale’ relationship? They do exist! Don’t miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for overcoming communication problems in relationships and building love-filled partnerships that grow more joyful and fulfilling every day!

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ May you be now and forever blessed with love. So it is.

At one time or another, we all become victims of bad advice. It is easy to begin telling a friend or acquaintance of a problem that you are having, as well as what you are thinking only to be met with a negative reaction that does more harm than good. As friends of others, as well as those who are receiving advice, it is important to find ways to communicate more effectively, as well as find effective means to react in a way that will support and help those that are speaking.

The major reason why a bad diagnosis is made by a friend is because of communication barriers that are developed. While the other person may be thinking that they are able to create a scenario that will significantly change your life, you are listening with the words running through your mind that “you just don’t understand.” However, you can change the misperceptions that occur between two different people by understanding where the barriers are occurring.

Before diagnosing behaviors in order to determine new understandings, is a need to evaluate the intimacy level in which you can communicate at with the other person. Typically, you will want to create a social intimacy with someone in order to create an understanding. For example, you do not want to walk up to a stranger and tell them one of your darkest secrets. Instead, you have to diagnose behaviors and communication by the level of trust that has been established. Finding encouragement from the other person, determining whether they are willing to listen to you and evaluating the face to face conversations is the first break in communication barriers for better levels of friendship.

When you feel that there is a level of trust that has been developed, you can then move to evaluating the behavior of others. This can help you to determine the amount of communication that is needed, as well as the ways in which you can communicate. The first evaluation that has to be made in determining the behaviors of others, as well as the communication levels that are occurring is by understanding the personality of the other person.

Typically, it is stated that opposites will attract to each other, meaning that your personality type will be the exact opposite of the person that you are speaking with. The result is a beginning of different perceptions because of the personality that is involved. If you can recognize and evaluate the personality of the other person you are speaking with, it will allow you to understand that the perception that is being said is simply coming from a different personality and viewpoint. This does not only mean diagnosing who the other person is, but also understanding what type of personality you are. This will allow you to gain insight into ways that you may be communicating that does not register with how the other person responds.

Beyond the idea of opposites attracting is also the understanding that there are over sixteen different personality types that are a part of friendships and relationships. This can include a variety of ideal ways in which people react as well as preferences for socialization. Personality types, such as introverts and extroverts, are often times part of a relationship that has to be evaluated. The more you understand about the personality type, in which you are interacting with, the more likely you will be able to communicate what is needed in a more effective manner.

After you can honestly evaluate the type of person that you are communicating with, you can then gain skills to allow others to know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. The easiest way to shift a communication barrier is by understanding what you need to communicate in order to be effective with what is being said. Being thorough in your explanations, explaining your emotions in relation to the situation and providing clarity with the responses can help to eliminate the barriers that are occurring.

After you have been able to define your communication skills, as well as the other individual’s personality type, you will then have more abilities to communicate effectively. This first diagnosis can lead to better abilities of communication by describing things in different terms and by trying to stop and understand what is being said from the other side. This will allow you to include what is needed in order to create deeper and more meaningful relationships that can help to build more effective conversations and ideals.

If you are unsure of the personality type, you can easily define what is occurring by simply observing the responses of the other individuals. This is an easy and effective way to learn how to communicate better with the other person. For example, understanding body language can help you to interpret and shift the communication barriers that are taking place. Simple things such as eye contact, hand gestures and shifts in the body will help you to determine when to change the conversation and when there is a genuine understanding of what is happening.

Beyond this, you can use communication through listening to the other person. The more you have the ability to understand what is being said back, the more you will have the ability to perceive the personality type you are dealing with as well as the communication that you can use most effectively in order to help the other person gain an understanding of what you are being said. You can diagnose the communication skills and your listening abilities through things as simple as the words that are being used and even the tone in which the communication is being stated in.

Creating a deeper relationship that has no communication barriers means truly evaluating the interactions between you and the other person. Developing an understanding of personality types as well as how you interact with the other person will stop any misunderstandings that so frequently occur among friendships. Developing new levels of intimacy and understanding among any person that you interact with can help you in a gaining of true understandings on a variety of levels among different individuals.

Joshua Uebergang writes a newsletter on non-verbal & verbal effective communication which you can sign-up to and get a communication skills report. To develop more assertion, check out assertive behavioral skills at his site.

Communication in a relationship is so important. In fact, it is the vital key to success. So many couples fail to see the value of communication and just as many don’t know how to communicate effectively. Learning this skill can make all the difference to your happiness.

Many couples are mutually abusive, which means they respond to verbal or emotional abuse with like abuse. It is little wonder then that so many marriages are dysfunctional. It is hard to create an environment of positive, loving communication when you’ve never experienced that kind of environment yourself. People who grew up in dysfunctional families with negative communication patterns often find themselves falling into those same behaviors themselves when they get married.

Once a marriage has broken down, neither partner feels inclined toward communication in a relationship nor do they wish to open up to the other person. Prevention is better than cure, so it is important to learn constructive arguing techniques before a couple marries. But even when things have deteriorated, it is never too late to set things right.

Getting Your Spouse to Open Up Again

Often, both partners in a marriage want to be perceived as “tough.” They don’t want to give in first. They want to show their partner that they don’t need him or her. As a result, the communication gap grows wider. Neither person will confess what it is that is worrying them. Mistrust fills the gaps created by silence. Soon, differences feel irreconcilable and most communication in the relationship is either empty or dead.

If you want to get your spouse to open up and break the silence barrier, there are a few things you need to do.

Often, the reason that your spouse isn’t talking is because he or she doesn’t want to create conflict by confessing their feelings. We all have negative feelings about our spouse or our relationships from time to time. In many marriages, partners zip their lip and say nothing, repressing their feelings until resentment seeps through. In other marriages, partners react angrily towards their spouse and express their feelings through criticism and verbal abuse. Neither option makes for a healthy marriage.

Even if your spouse isn’t saying anything to you, chances are that he or she has a lot to say. It’s just that your spouse doesn’t know how to bring it up, is afraid of your reaction, or doesn’t think it is worth the effort to share with you.

You can get your spouse to open up to you again by creating an environment in which he or she feels safe and comfortable talking. But avoid these tactics like the plague:

- Demanding that your spouse tell you what’s wrong or why they won’t talk. - Accusing your partner of giving you the silent treatment. - Getting angry at them for not contributing their part to the conversation. - Feeling resentful that they’re making life difficult for you.

Instead, this is what you need to do:

1. Practice your own listening skills. Instead of filling in the silences with chatter, allow those silences to remain. Often, one spouse compensates for another’s lack of speech by talking too much. Your partner may feel that you never give him or her a chance to speak because you’re always talking.

2. Cultivate an attitude of non-judgmental acceptance. This means that you unconditionally love and accept your partner, no matter what he or she says. If you often respond defensively or critically when your partner shares his or her thoughts and feelings, you are actually punishing your partner for opening up to you. If your partner tries to open up, acknowledge his or her comments to show that you are listening, but refrain from adding your own opinion until you’ve heard everything that he or she has to say. Sometimes, we just need to be heard, and it feels better knowing that our partner has listened to us all the way through without criticizing or condemning us.

3. Learn how to apologize and mean it. One apology, meant sincerely, goes a long way. When your partner shares a concern or problem that he or she is having with your marriage, don’t resort to an angry retort. Listen carefully, without criticism or a knee-jerk self-defense. If you are too upset to think clearly, tell your partner that you appreciate hearing about his or her concern, but that you need time to think it over. If you come tothe conclusion that what your partner has told you has some truth in it, apologize clearly and directly.

Instead of muttering, “I’m sorry,” look at your partner in the eyes and tell him or her, “I am sorry for…. I am sorry for having made you feel like you did.” By telling him or her in your own words what you’re sorry for - in other words, what you did or said that made your partner feel hurt - you show your partner that you really do understand.

4. Making opening up to one another a positive experience. It may sound wishy-washy or fuzzy, but verbally thanking one another for sharing thoughts and feelings is valuable positive reinforcement. A hug after a difficult conversation can make all the difference. It doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree with your partner; what matters is that you show your partner that you really do care about his or her feelings and opinions.

Every time your partner shares something, no matter how little, express your gratitude. Tell your partner, “I’m glad I know that you like that/feel that way/believe that. I like knowing more about you. It makes me feel closer to you.”

How to Argue

Most couples are exceedingly poor at resolving conflicts. But there are a number of techniques designed to help with healthier conflict resolution. Here are some of the most basic ground-rules for arguments. Discuss these with your spouse and agree on them together.

1. Abuse and physical violence will not be tolerated. If things get too hot, take a break or take a walk.

2. Avoid assigning blame. Instead, talk about how your partner’s actions made you feel.

3. Be honest. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you.

4. Don’t take things personally. When someone is upset, they can say or do things that make it worse.

5. Focus on resolving the issue, not winning the argument. Think negotiation, not competition.

6. If your spouse hasn’t understood your motives or misunderstood what you said, don’t get angry. Explain yourself.

7. No bringing up hurtful events from the past. Stay in the present.

8. No going to sleep on an argument.

9. No name-calling. 10. Once an argument is resolved, forgive and forget.

There is no disputing the fact that effective communication in a relationship is the vital ingredient to its success or failure. Open up healthy channels of communication and your perceptions of each other will change for the better. These new perceptions will in turn affect your general behaviour toward each other and love will inevitably rekindle.

Relationships don’t need to break down if you can find a way to communicate more effectively. There are many tools you can use to turn your life around. Comprehensive information can be found at this site Save My Marriage Today

In your wedding plans, there are many different steps to think about. With luck, however, there will be plenty of advice available and people to offer support and help. You may wish to try to enlist the help of special friends or relatives you who trust and know well. Good friends will be there to assist you at every step if you need. They can help you reduce the burden and stresses of the day and the days leading up to it. They will be happy to take on roles which you may consider to be rather routine and mundane in nature. This will release you from the burden of some of these activities and allow you to concentrate on more important or enjoyable tasks.

You may need to develop a way in which you can communicate freely with your friends and relatives and ensure that they know what you wish to have on your special day and the way in which you want it to proceed. Things never run as smoothly as they are hoped and there will always be potential for conflict and discord, but you can minimize this as much as possible by starting, from the outset, to develop a process by which people understand your wants and needs.

You’ll be best served by developing a vision for your special day and by distributing this to your friends and relatives, preferably in written form, or through meetings and social events with them. Now is the time to start healing any wounds or conflicts that you may previously have had with people and give them the responsibility and trust that they deserve in order to help you with your special time.

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